I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
