Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
