So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
