rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
