I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
