So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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