it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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