My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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