i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
