Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
