Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
