Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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