You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
