...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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