he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My dad is sitting where you rode me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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