i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
