from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
