just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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