I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
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3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
whose parrot is this?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
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Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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