If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
