i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
