Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't deserve a penis
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
