U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize