A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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