he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
