is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
