Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you never un-have a 4some
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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