Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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