if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
