I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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