Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
