from now on my penis is your penis
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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