Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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