so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
