I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
