Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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