well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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