laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
