Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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