Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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