Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
