We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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