pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
