I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
