I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
where does the pee come out of this thing
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize