u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
