Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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