Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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