It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
