Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I deserve this hangover.
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