If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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