You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize