Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
