apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
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I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
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He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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