i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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