Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
