I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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