Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
