I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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