I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i believe in u and ur pee
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
