Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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