I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
