Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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