wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
