Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
