i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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