on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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