I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize