just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
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RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
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You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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