I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
