Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
