mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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