you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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