last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
