i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
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And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
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Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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