Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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