last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
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I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize