Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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