My Higher Power is John Stamos
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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